Tips for parents on talking to their child
In recent decades, psychologists have made a number of remarkable discoveries.
One of them is about the importance of communication style with the child to develop his or her personality.
Bad food poisons the body; improper communication is poisoning the child’s mind. The style of parental interaction involuntarily recorded (imprinted) in the child’s mind.
The parents of difficult children themselves suffered from conflicts with their own parents. Most parents raise their children the way they themselves were raised in childhood.
To change the style of communication with the child, the parent should:
1. Of course to adopt a child is to love him not for what he’s handsome, smart, calm and so on, and just like that, just for what he is! You must tell the child that he is dear to you. Four hours of communication per day is absolutely necessary for everyone to survive, and for good health at least eight (Virginia Satir)
2. Do not interfere in the case, which makes the child unless he asks for help. His laissez-faire you will tell him: “you all right, you’re going to fail.”
3. If a child is difficult, and he is ready to ask for your help, definitely help him. To leave out of pedagogical considerations baby one where it is DIFFICULT – a gross error. Here two dangers:
4. The friendly tone of communication.
5. If the child does not want to do something, don’t bribe him (money, things, fun).
6. The personality and abilities of the child are best developed in the activity in which he engaged at his own request and with interest.
7. Gradually but steadily remove with care and responsibility for the personal Affairs of your child and give them to him.
8. Let your child to meet with the negative consequences of their actions (or inaction). Only then it will grow up, and become the “Creator”.
9. If the child has an emotional problem (the child is going through!), it must actively listen .
It means “to return” to him in conversation that he told you, while putting the feeling. For example, the child is outraged: “He took away my typewriter”. Mom: “are You very upset and angry with him.” A parent calls a child’s sense of, not consoles him: “Well, nothing – I’ll give”. When the last response, the parent leaves the child alone with his feelings, stresses that he does not empathize with the child;
Son: “I will Not hang out with Pete!”.
Parent: “I don’t want him anymore friends” (repeating what is heard ).
Son: “Yeah, don’t want”
Correct answer with sympathy. Parent (after a pause): “You took offense at him” (symbol sense).
Wrong answer – without sympathy. Parent: “are You pissed at him?”.
10. Passive listening is when a child wants to speak out, says something to you, you are silently listening, periodically confirming that you think: “Yes, really”
11. If the child calls you by his behavior negative feelings, tell him about it – in the first person about yourself (and not about him and his behavior).
Mom: “Helen, please, get them some bread. Guests will come, and I still have work to do!”.
Daughter: “Oh, mom, I’m on the same section”.
Mom: “you Have a section, and you don’t want to be late” (active listening).
Daughter: “Oh, you know, we in fact begins with a warm-up, and its not to be missed”.
Mom: “You can’t be late (active listening). And I also have a quandary. Guests will be here soon, and there is no bread.
( The message about his experience, “I said,” and not the message, i.e. talking about myself.) What shall we do?”. (Go to the second step.)
You should start with listening to the child. After that, he will make sure you hear his problem, he’s much more willing to hear your, and also take part in the search for joint solutions.
12. Do not ask your child impossible or difficult to achieve. Instead, look at what you can change in the environment.
13. The way to resolve conflicts should be constructive: win both parent and child.
A constructive method of conflict resolution involves several steps:
1) clarify the conflict situation (active listening);
2) collection of sentences (both sides);
3) evaluation of proposals and selection of the most acceptable;
4) details of the decision (for example, decided that his son will be able to assemble things; detail – how to use the alarm clock, where is the towel for a morning of water treatment, how to cook Breakfast, etc.);
5) implementation, verification.
14. Children not only need order, they need rules of behavior they want and waiting for them! This makes life understandable and predictable, creates a sense of security. Children intuitively feel that the parental “no” hides the care of them.
One teenager bitterly admitted that parents hate him because they allow him that prohibited the other guys: “They, in my opinion, just not interested in me”, – sadly says the boy.
The question is, what methods parents achieve obedience and discipline.