If you ask women, lying in the hospital, whom they want — a boy or a girl, most probably will answer: of course, my daughter! Son want to please her husband, but the dream of giving birth to my daughter. 20 years from now these same women often begin to complain that naughty daughter, did not meet their expectations don’t understand the loved one — your mom… And adult daughters, meanwhile dreaming of the birth of a child — of course, girls.
In fact, most women believe that the younger daughter will become a mainstay in my life, carer, close friend. What is the reason for this belief? The fact that women subconsciously equate his daughter with him. Often the mother is even difficult to understand where the boundary between her and her daughter. Usually it is quite natural, while the little girl knotted bows on silky curls and dress up in beautiful dresses like a doll (no wonder our grandmothers said, “the First child is the last doll”). At this age my daughter is in fact very close with his mother. The difficulties begin when the child is approaching school age. In addition to the daughter of his second, a woman tries in her upbringing to compensate for all the shortcomings of their life. “Suppose she won’t be the same as mine, but much better!” — this setting often leads to prestigious schools and countless fashionable circles. By themselves, these classes are certainly useful for girls, but usually no one asks whether she wants to do ballet, music, karate and painting? She decided her mother who believes that her daughter needs to realize that it was not possible in his time. And therefore it imposes on his daughter’s life scheme.
However, as soon as the daughter starts to feel like a separate being, a conflict occurs. When they begin to study at school, study groups, and the girl feels more pressure from the mother. Of course, it is a source of discontent, gradually accumulating exclusion, which is usually manifested “explosion” in adolescence. Prior to that, she can be obedient, well behaved, and the mother often has no idea about ripening in the child’s soul protest. If the girl is by its nature a home and obedient, if she blindly trusts the mother, is struggling to follow the imposed life scheme, fearing not match the ideal. In this situation, the conflict is expressed in nervousness and anxiety daughter. She’s trying to drive him deeper into himself, and there is a hidden neurosis. The child this can be expressed headache, poor sleep.
In another scenario, the development of relations in one day the teenager, formed a realized person is on an open protest. To anything good it does not be a girl, as a rule, does not know what she wants, mother was just being rude and does not listen to her, but remains fully dependent on it.
The next stage of development of the conflict — when my daughter is getting married or preparing for this. In her life appear young people who are mean to her much more than parents that often causes jealousy of the mother. She unconsciously compares darling daughter with her father, of course, not in favor of the young man. Mothers want the groom was close to her own ideal of a “real man”, and it often prevents the development of relations between the lovers. If the daughter marries an alien mother of man, the scheme of a “bright future” bursting at the seams. At this time relations between the two closest women can permanently be damaged.
There is another situation, if the daughter obediently follows maternal attitudes and rejects are not suitable, from her point of view, grooms. When a girl turns 23-24 years, the mother begins to put pressure on her, saying it’s time to get married, offer their own versions. Many daughters are very painfully aware of such a conflict: on the one hand, internally they are protesting, on the other — still trust the mother.
Occurs internal dissension — fertile ground for psychosis. In this situation, you can advise her daughter to take one of the points of view — either to obey the mother and to marry, or to reject the proposed option, because a direct conflict milder than inland. If the daughter decided to reject the point of view of the mother, you will be able to defend their position and to settle the conflict. Mom and because pressure on her, what feels vibrations. By the way, if mother finds a groom for my daughter, it’s not always a bad thing — her experience and knowledge of people often help solve the problem.
Bad if for daughter’s marriage is dictated solely by the desire to escape from their parents ‘ custody. At first she achieves this goal, but when a child is born, the daughter becomes even more dependent on parents: as a rule, the young family at first unable to provide for themselves and baby need someone to sit. Not all young couples have the means to babysitter. So all hopes again at my mom…
At this time, many families are coming closer mother and daughter, since the daughter, passing itself the same tests as the mother, begins to look differently at the world. Convergence often interfere with different points of view on parenting. On the one hand, the daughter, of course, thankful for the help and wants to raise the child in their own way, so internally tense, ready to reject any advice and recommendations of the mother, even the most reasonable, especially since they are sometimes accompanied by teachings such as: “You have failed, the second error will not.”
For the normal development of girls a good relationship mother and grandmother are very important. If the mother was constantly in conflict with her grandmother, the daughter of will build my relationship with my mother under the same scenario.
To maintain a good relationship, both have to constantly restrain myself to strain to find a common language. If alienation is growing and has an opportunity to disperse, it should be used. Ulterior motive in America mostly children live separately from their parents. In addition, each of the parties soon began to appreciate the advantages of a friendly life — the daughter understands that for a normal upbringing of the child grandmother needed, and mom misses her grandchildren, and to the rescue. If I had to go to the gap, it is more a loss than a gain, since they end up discontent with each other and alienation.
Daughter sooner or later have to understand that to establish a relationship with my mother needed her, and her children. As for the child, communication with the older generation of the family is helpful and almost always carries a lot of positive emotions. In addition, in the children’s consciousness is made invisible, but very important work: a child learns to understand that in the world there are different points of view, learns how it is possible to find a compromise solution. If a child communicates only with his mother, then he will be difficult to adapt to society. He gets used to a single point of view, and when submission to suddenly break down, it is experienced as a tragedy.
For the normal development of the child, especially girls, mothers and grandmothers are very important. If the mother was constantly in conflict with her grandmother, the daughter of will build my relationship with my mother under the same scenario, and the situation in 10-15 years will be repeated. The root causes of many family tragedies lie in the conflict of a mother with her grandmother. But this can be avoided if the person is educated and versatile, you may put yourself in the shoes of another to understand and accept his position.
Well, if we try to attain both mother, and daughter. In this case, the understanding will come. The most important thing is to respect the identity of another. And here the first violin will have to play mother — because she ultimately wiser, more experienced, kinder. If the mother treats the child as an independent person, the relationship will develop more harmoniously. It is usually possible that moms who don’t “devote his life” to children, and successfully Express themselves in something else. Then the mother sees himself as quite lucky, lucky woman and does not attempt to turn his daughter into some kind of improved version of yourself. Because each of us comes into this world with a life of its own.